Talking About Mental Wellbeing with Special Guest Kaylene Wynn

Transcript

Lachy Gray  

Alright, three to 18 months of COVID has dramatically changed our personal and professional worlds and the impact of this change and uncertainty on our mental well being can be significant yet it's also receiving a lot of attention. Now I've personally learned that talking about my well being is a critical step towards creating some positive habits. And I'm delighted today to welcome psycho therapist kailyn when kayleen has over 20 years of experience working as a transpersonal, psychotherapist, and executive mine coach, and She's the author of Rise and shine. Awaken your greatest self Welcome Kaylene.

Kaylene  

Welcome. Hello, how are you guys? Good to see you Karen and Lachy.

Lachy Gray  

Hi Kaylene. I have a great tag on the show today. So reading your bio, it sounds as though you wear many different hats as a as a psychotherapist, as an executive coach and relationship counselor. How do you describe what you do to people when you meet them for the first time?

Kaylene  

Yes, interesting. And yes, it has many hats, those hats, some tend to all really come together in many aspects because really the workplace and personal performance. And and obviously working with individuals with their own therapy is really all in one one umbrella, really. So transpersonal is about also working with people holistically working with them as a an individual, as an entire self. So we're looking at the physical, the mental, the emotional, the spiritual. And also then looking at the elements of what we are as a human being where we're on our professional life, we're on our personal life, all those things come together as one. So what affects work affects our personal and what affects personal fix, also, our professional life. So the lines very blurred.

Karen K  

Yeah, we do hear people talk about, we want to enable our employees to bring their whole selves to work. So I love it when you talk about wellness across those four areas of physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual. So I wonder if you could share your thoughts on how leaders can help their teams with the emotional and mental aspects of wellness.

Kaylene  

It's interesting because I actually bring Mental Health First Aid to a lot of workplaces and, and try to teach people in the workplace, how to approach mental health, that really we're all responsible for mental health because the truth is, one in four people actually suffer with some form of mental health in their life. So the truth is only 35% of people actually access help. So the workplace is another area that can actually support mental health and wellness. And interesting, you know, we're talking today because October is mental health awareness month. So it is it is important that we, you know, reduce the stigma around mental health, and understand that it's no different to managing and looking after your own physical health. And mental and emotional fitness is part of, you know, that criteria as well. So how can we just work physically and leave out our mental and emotional wellness. So it's very important that leaders and anyone in the workplace who is even a manager that, you know, we need to invest in our people and understand that we all have different issues and challenges going on at different times in our life. And, you know, we come to work and we spend a lot of time in our workplace, but then we go home, and what are we going home to our managers and staff don't know what that can look like. And I also an advocate for domestic violence. So that's another element that is going on also, especially through lockdowns has brought a whole different ballgame to mental health and wellness. Yeah,

Karen K  

that's such a good point about domestic violence in the workplace. I remember when that was first brought into the modern awards and the Fair Work system in Australia and how many employees that were kind of quite confused as to why we were talking about domestic violence in the workplace. But I think it is one way to shine a light on how common This is. Isn't it co mean, yeah,

Kaylene  

absolutely. And the other aspect is I know these subjects are very uncomfortable for people to talk about, but they're discussions that we have to get comfortable with in these conversations. And it's it's important to understand we're not asking you to be a mental health professional to be a diagnostic and an analyze people but you know, check in check in with how your people are going check in and ask, you know, I've noticed that you haven't been yourself lately as an example, being able to, at the end of the day, the morning, you know, there's an organization I work with that are now asking everybody before they start doing any work, just checking in to see how everyone's going, how they're feeling. Anyone, you know, having a good day, bad day, let's talk about that. And then at the end of the day, they're also doing the same. Because when we're operating from this place of isolation, people have lost that connection within the office environment as well, which is, is they use a lot of that for their social connections, you know, in the workplace. So we need to understand that we've spent nearly two years in this situation of working outside the office, so to speak, and yes, some people are doing it well, but there are some who aren't doing it so well. So we need to notice any changes anything that's different, even if someone is being even very positive than normally what there would be, there's something going on that's changing in the behavior, and there are always signposts that we can look for, that's telling us that something we might need to question and support.

Lachy Gray  

And in kailyn, what would you say is some common reasons why people don't check in? Or is it that they don't know what to say they're not so comfortable? Yeah.

Kaylene  

I think people don't want to be saying the wrong thing. They don't want to upset people. They don't want to, you know, when when we're talking about mental health and wellness in the workplace, it's important to understand the person who may be going through something actually brings feels shame in that process about talking about it. And that's, that's, that's a terrible space for us to be knowing that we've got a worker that's working in that space that feels that they can't talk to somebody, they can't talk at home, because they may be having issues going on at home, you know, with children or their relationship, or their finances. And they don't know where to bring it. And they they try to hide it and use their work as the place that they think oh, well, this is this is norm, I feel good in my work. But you can see that it's, they're wearing some form of burden on themselves. And if we're plugged in enough, and we are connected enough, and it's about creating that conscious culture around connecting, and collaborating and looking after our team out what I call our family at work on many levels.

Lachy Gray  

Yeah, absolutely. And inherent sort of boundaries feeling here, I guess, one of the reasons for not not taking in maybe concern that if the person is going through a difficult time, that perhaps they might overshare. And we don't know what to do from that point. And we're going to get caught up in this situation that we feel almost helpless in.

Kaylene  

So well, then this is the as you said, the boundaries are very important. And really what you're doing with mental health in the workplace, is bringing in support. So, you know, we use what we call the approach process of being able to take the person out for a walk, if you're in the office, or if not, ask for a time that you could actually have a private chat with them and say, Look, I believe you are going through some stuff at the moment. And obviously, we want to be able to support you. What do you need from us to help support that process for you? Do you need some time out? Do you need someone to share the workload with you? Do you need someone to be able to be your work buddy for a period of time if you lie, it's important that we don't let them struggle on their own. But the boundaries need to be around not sharing oversharing and being able to say, you know, we're here to help. But obviously, we could only do so much. And perhaps we can help you find another direction by going into some well being programs where depending on what they're dealing with, of course, or directing them to counseling, or to therapy. It's always important to have that type of information on board because that's part of your first aid kit for mental health is knowing that you can only bring so much to the table. And they should not be using the workplace as a place of dumping this stuff. And then everyone feels well what do we do with this now because it affects them in the end. So we've all got to protect our own self and our own space, and also be able to be open, honest and transparent without judgment in the process.

Lachy Gray  

A lot that I love the language the first aid kit for mental health. Yeah Because I think certainly in my experience, I've learned that it's so important to take responsibility for my own well being, which is difficult when, if I am going through something that is challenging, because it might not feel like I have the capacity to do that, you know, I sort of feel like oh, well, someone will come in and look after it for me. But that's not necessarily the best approach is that?

Kaylene  

No, it isn't. And the key is talking, the thing that I you know, I emphasize with so many people when it comes to, when we're dealing with something that we don't know how to deal with, whether that's something at home or something at work, it might even be another team member as an example. But we need to be able to connect with someone that we trust, and that we know is going to be a good listener, and not judge our situation. And it's important to pick the right people for this process, you know, you don't just don't take it to anybody, but you take it to someone that you know, you have a good rapport with. And, and you say to them, it's all about me feeling concerned about what's going on for you, and I'm here for you. And I want to know that you can talk to me, and it will be private and confidential. And it won't be shared, shared with anybody else. But know that, you know, when it comes to emotions, and feelings, people tend to suppress these things, rather than express these things. And this is what tends to create other issues because the emotions become more layered. And we start seeing people moving into a place of withdrawal, depression, anxiety, these types of things start to emerge, because we're actually not dealing with the feelings because we don't like the feeling of what we're feeling. So what do people normally do is bury them. And we've got to be able to talk about these emotions. And once again, we're not asking people to be therapists in their workplaces, but we're asking them to be in here to, to feel that someone can help them toward to be able to express what they need to express without any judgement. And if possible, give them some solutions to what's going on. And let's see if they uptake that process.

Lachy Gray  

I love that. Sometimes it's the simplest step can feel the hardest, which is actually sharing. How am I feeling? Yeah. And then often just just the sharing component with there are, you know, what did I say a problem shared is a problem hopped?

Kaylene  

In totally, I agree. Absolutely, it is. And we tend to make the problem bigger in our own head, because we have our internal dialogue that's chatting away to us, telling us a story about the situation. And in some cases, is actually not factual. Because it's, it's our own insecurities that are getting in the way of the storytelling of what's really happening. So sometimes we can make things bigger than what they actually are. And by talking about it, we start to focus on solutions rather than focusing on the problem.

Karen K  

I love that Kelly, because I've come across many people that have a certain narrative that they've convinced themselves of, yeah, and that can be actually really hard to break through in a way that, but I find it can be hard in a way that makes it that you're not trying to tell them that they're wrong. But you just tried to give another perspective, do you have any top tips for later on how they'd be able to do that, if something, you know, kind of got that really negative narrative about themselves?

Kaylene  

Yes, it's a hard one. Because when when we're looking at the mindset, you know, people are programmed and their program through the experiences of how they've grown up experiences of what's happened to them, trauma that may have happened to them. So their narrative becomes quite fear based, and the victim mentality. And when we look at culture, I look at society in general. And really, there is a true fear base and victim mentality in our society that's already programmed. And we have to create a conscious culture of understanding that we need to know that we need to be more self aware of our own emotions or our own feelings, rather than projecting and, and I'm often talking to people about that, that life is just simply a projection and a reflection. So people will tend to project their stuff onto you. But the question you need to ask yourself, does this belong to me is this my stuff. And sometimes the person can also be a mirror, they can be a mirror reflection, because when we get triggered by things, the mirror image comes through someone that's bringing us something that we don't like or feel uncomfortable with. So there's there's many different steps in that process, but it's important to to know that we all have a story That story doesn't mean it's truth. But we can change the story. That's, that's the important part. And when you become self aware, and you become more self regulated with your feelings and emotions, you're able to change the narrative, you're able to change the patterning, you're able to change the habitual patterns that tend to happen, I mean, the unconscious mind is much more powerful than the conscious mind because it holds every experience we've ever had since we were born. So it's going to go into that automatic, automatic pilot mode for a lot of people. And we we need to be more present in who we are and what we are and what we're actually thinking.

Karen K  

Yeah, great advice. Thank you.

Lachy Gray  

Caitlin, how can leaders look after their own well being so that they're able to regularly shop for that team?

Kaylene  

Well, well, it's no, no different to what you're doing with other people, you know, self care, is probably the most important process, and we're all responsible for that. And we need to be accountable to that for ourselves, if we're going to be able to help other people. I mean, I've been in workplaces where I've seen people, you know, give out advice, but they're not giving it for their own self. Because they're not, they don't have the presence, they're not self aware of what they're actually doing. So, you know, my job at the end of the end of the day is to show people the things that they can't see, because we become blind in many aspects of what we're doing, because our program in our workplace is pretty much the same. And we we want that to be routine, because that brings a place of security and certainty for us.

Lachy Gray  

Absolutely. Well, thank you, Caitlin. There's a lot of takeaways from today's episodes, a couple of things that I heard, you know, we're all responsible for our mental health. And in fact, it's it's no different to looking after our physical fitness. And that workplaces can support mental health and well being by checking in on each other. And by developing first aid kits for mental health as well, which can be protecting your own self in space, and being honest about how we're feeling, and that we can change the story that we tell ourselves. So links to articles, and anything else we have discussed will be over on our websites amplify HR Comdata, you and Yara Comdata. You just follow the links to the podcast section. If you've received value from this episode, we would love it if you could leave a rating or review over at Apple podcasts.

Karen K  

Yeah, and thank you kailyn. I got a lot out of this episode as well. And it some of the things that I wrote down that I thought were really important is the change in behavior in someone may not be a negative change, because I think we often think that the change in behavior needs to be that I've become silent or withdraw. But actually it could be that positive change in behavior as well. So I think that's a really good thing for people to keep in mind. Yeah, yeah. And the statistic that you gave a 35% of people don't access hope that that's a huge amount, especially in a situation with the moment where a lot of Australia have been, you know, stuck in their homes for quite a while. Yes. You know, so I think that's that's a really important thing, I think as well, for leaders to reflect on that. There is a role for businesses here to try and encourage their teams to access help. Before we finish up, was there any final tips from UK lane of, of what you would like the listeners to get from today?

Kaylene  

I think the important part is is not to judge people in this process. And it's, it's, we can do that, in many cases. And it's important not to write the individual off as being fragile. Because we tend to think, well, I can't approach them because I might actually upset them and make them worse. That is a myth. And at the end of the day, when someone reaches out to another human being and says, You know what, I've noticed you're not yourself, and I'm here to help and support you in any way that you can. You may not want to talk to me right now, but my door or my phone is always there, pick it up, talk to me anytime. And that is the first step, I think from a mental health work healthy workplace is to be able to put it already out there. So people know because a lot of people feel they can't bring it because they're going to lose their job, or they're going to be demoted, or something's going to happen. So they see it as weakness, and it isn't weakness at all. And what

Karen K  

you said before about shame, and it's such a powerful emotion as well. And I think that is really worth remembering. So yeah, great advice. Thank you, Kaylee and I really enjoyed talking to you today. And you know, just a reminder for everyone that coming up in the next episode. We're actually changing gears a little bit. And we're going to talk about the explosion of the gig economy and freelancers and what we can do in our businesses to have people stay rather than sign their own business when there are such low barriers to entry.

Lachy Gray  

So it's coming up in two weeks from now, so click the subscribe button to be notified when it's available. Thanks so much for your time today. kaylene I've really enjoyed it.

Kaylene  

Thank you for inviting me on guys appreciate the platform to be able to talk about mental health

Lachy Gray  

is so important. Any final thoughts Karen?

Karen K  

No, I've made tons of notes and I really just cane on everyone's feedback as well please feel free to send it through. We'd love to know if your the information in today's episode has assisted you in your business.

Lachy Gray  

Thanks so much for joining us and we'll see you next time on the Make it Work podcast.