When I was at school and playing sports as a kid, I received lots of regular feedback. Kids rely on constant feedback to learn and develop (and adults seem happy to give it!). But then for some reason when I entered the workplace as an adult, all that valuable feedback just dropped away.
That experience informed my desire to create a healthy culture and a high-performance team - and feedback is a critical component of both. Here are my top tips for giving feedback to employees.
1. Use a Feedback Framework
When we started Yarno, we researched the best ways to give feedback and we discovered the Situation Behavior Impact model. It’s simple and effective and it encourages you to identify:
- the behaviour that you want to give feedback on
- the impact of that behaviour
This framework works for both positive feedback (praise) and constructive feedback. We don't call it negative feedback anymore because, for us, constructive feedback is delivered skilfully with positive intent. So it's designed to help the other person grow rather than to bring them down.
2. Practice with Role Play
Giving feedback is something that has to be practised regularly because, without practice, we won’t do it skilfully. We hold back and we hesitate, and the moment for feedback passes. At Yarno, we practice with role plays. We've role-played giving and receiving feedback every month, pretty much since Yarno started.
‘Giving feedback is something that has to be practised regularly because, without practice, we won’t do it skilfully.’
Before COVID, we did it in person. We'd grab lunch for everybody and run scenarios and watch each other practice. It was hard doing this in a public space, but we were all learning and making mistakes together.
Some people are very good at getting into character and others, like me, not so much. There was always a lot of banter, and it was a bonding experience because everyone was putting themselves out there a little bit, being vulnerable.
Since we've moved to fully remote in the last few years, we do the same thing on Zoom, using breakout rooms. First, we come up with a bunch of scenarios, then we talk through them as a team, by:
- Identifying the behaviour that we observed
- Identifying the impacts of that behaviour
- Coming up with questions we'd ask to understand what was going on for the person at that time
Next, we break into pairs, go into the breakout rooms and have a go by giving feedback on the scenario. My partner gives me feedback and I give them feedback. Then we come back into the main group and share what happened.
Each session takes about an hour and we come up with four scenarios, though we usually get through two. For example, the scenario could be ‘Harry consistently runs late to meetings.’ We try to ensure that the scenarios don't reflect things that have actually happened at Yarno. (This is important!)
And then we say ‘Okay, what behaviour(s) can we identify?’ This part is interesting because it's easy to add judgement, for example ‘Harry was running late because he's lazy,’ or ‘Harry manages his time poorly.’ It's really good to catch that for each other because we jump to conclusions without thinking. It's easy to let a narrative run away from us.
3. Offer Praise and Corrective Feedback
Feedback lets you know how you're going, so both praise and corrective feedback are important. Ultimately, they both aim to improve performance. If you only get corrective feedback, you may start to wonder, ‘am I doing anything right?’ And that can be demotivating.
Conversely, if you only receive praise, you start to wonder ‘Surely I can't be doing everything right all the time? Is my manager, just not going to tell me when I’m performing badly?’ That can negatively impact trust.
Balance is key. Relationship researcher Dr. John Gottman talks about the ‘5:1 ratio’ of positive to negative communication in a relationship. Gottman recommends couples have five positive interactions for every negative one.
Relationship researcher Dr. John Gottman recommends couples have five positive interactions for every one negative one.
4. Receive Feedback Like a Stoic
When we introduced the feedback framework that we use, I realised that I'd never been taught how to give feedback, or how to receive it. The more I thought about it, the more I thought that's a massive hole.
It should be something we are taught at school because we're giving and receiving feedback all the time, it's part of being a human. We have to give feedback at work and, probably more importantly, in our personal relationships with friends and family as well. Feedback is an important part of harmonious relationships. But many of us don’t give or receive feedback skilfully.
Mellody Hobson, chairwoman of Starbucks in the US, has said that some of the most beneficial feedback she's received has come from people that she doesn't like! Her point is to try to separate the message from the messenger, which sounds fine in theory but in practice, for me, is super hard to do. Because if I don't trust somebody, I’m probably not truly listening to them if they give me feedback.
‘Mellody Hobson, chair of Starbucks in the US, has said that some of the most beneficial feedback she's received has come from people that she doesn't like.’
But here’s some advice from the Stoics about receiving feedback. Ask yourself, is that comment or feedback helpful? If it is great, thanks. It doesn't matter whom it comes from. If it's not helpful, no worries, move on.
I like that as a simple rule of thumb because feedback can come from anyone at any time. I'm more careful now not to throw the baby out with the bathwater. I try to stop myself from thinking, ‘Well, I don't trust or like that person, therefore, I'm not going to listen to what they say.’ It's very difficult, in the moment, to resist the instinct to get defensive and justify our past actions.
But remember, you don’t have to respond straight away. You can listen and digest and then say something like, ‘Hey, thanks for the feedback. I'd like some time to think this over. Can we pick this up again in a couple of days?’ Once you've had a chance to sleep on it, and that initial emotional response is gone, you look at it more objectively and ask yourself, ‘Is there value here?’
5. Build Trust
There's a great book on feedback called Radical Candor, by Kim Scott in the US, and we've just finished reading it as a leadership team at Yarno. She says that giving feedback helps build trusting relationships for two reasons:
- It shows you care You're sending a signal that you care enough to actually speak up, because it's easier not to, especially when you're remote. You have to really make an effort to call a person or schedule a Zoom or a Teams chat.
- It shows you're willing to admit when you're wrong You can take criticism and you're committed to fixing mistakes that you or others have made. If you’re a leader, it’s risky for people to give you honest feedback - it could end badly for them. Scott recommends that you start by criticising yourself, and show that you can take it before you give feedback to others.
It's easy to mis-predict how someone will react. We can jump to the negative and the catastrophic, but there are a bunch of potential outcomes or reactions from giving feedback and I think it's helpful to think through them.
It also helps to ask yourself, ‘why am I giving this feedback?’ And if you have a positive intention, you’re actually trying to help the person grow. If the feedback is about unacceptable behaviour that they need to know about, it's your duty to tell them.
I've withheld feedback before, and it was often about little things. I thought, ‘well, that will get better over time, or someone else will tell them.’ But I realised I'm actually doing a disservice to the person by not telling them. Firstly, they don't know that something is wrong and I'm assuming they're going to find out somehow. Secondly, I'm not actively trying to help them. I'm just sitting back and watching. And that’s a poor way to lead.
If you receive critical feedback delivered in a skilful way, it builds trust. You know that person is going to be straight with you. You know where you stand. That's important in the workplace, especially if the culture isn't as healthy or as safe as we would like it to be. You need to know who's got your back, who's a straight shooter.
You don't have to be best buddies to achieve this kind of trust. You just need to know that if you ask for that person’s opinion, they'll give it to you honestly. And if they see something that you could be doing better, they'll tell you.
6. Be Timely
When we are giving constructive or critical feedback, it can feel like we need to build a case before we can offer feedback to the person. And then you've got to get in the right headspace and find a good time. Before you know it, the opportune moment for feedback has passed.
I've seen cases where critical feedback was months later. This is a poor experience for the receiver because it comes out of nowhere. They get blindsided and then they think, ‘Well if you've held on to this, what else haven't you told me in the last couple of months!’.
Give feedback early and often. This actually takes some of the gravitas out of it, so it doesn't become this big issue. It's just something that we all do for each other. Perhaps after a meeting, you say, ‘Hey, can I give you some feedback? Is now a good time?’ And then off you go and it's done. It means that the person is more able to tie the feedback to the behaviour.
7. Be Specific
I've received a lot of general positive feedback, like, ‘Great job,’ ‘Good effort,’ ‘Great report.’ I found this type of general and vague feedback unhelpful because I have no idea which behaviour I should repeat in the future. There are so many elements I could focus on and I don’t know which part was considered ‘good.’ So we need to give specific feedback, and we need to ask for specific feedback.
For example, I might say, ‘I'm working on my presenting skills at the moment. I'm trying to speak slower and more clearly. What's one thing I could do to improve?’ This lets the person know what I'm working on and what feedback I'm looking for.
I like asking ‘what’s one thing…’ because it’s specific. Asking ‘Do you have any feedback?’ is broad’, and can put the person on the spot. They start to think about all the feedback they could give, and then start filtering it and prioritising it. This is not the best use of their time! But with ‘one thing,’ they can focus on one thing that stands out to them.
8. Seek Feedback
Seek feedback from colleagues, mentors, coaches, and customers because everyone's got a different perspective. If you ask for feedback frequently you send a strong signal that you're trying to improve and you’re open to receiving it.
You might get feedback about something small that you have no idea you were doing. It might be easy to make a change that improves how you communicate.
9. Criticise Yourself First
If you're a leader, criticise yourself first, to show that you can take it. This is something that I'm personally working on. It doesn't come naturally to me, especially in public. But this is what Kim Scott, the author of Radical Candor, recommends. She says that leaders should criticise themselves in public to build trust and show their teams they can take it.
It means that if someone in your team has critical feedback for you, they know that you're going to be open to it and that it’s not a risk for them.
10. Build a Structure for Praise
It’s easy to take people for granted. You think, ‘Oh, well, that person knows they're a star performer. They know they do a great job. I don't need to tell them.’ Firstly, that’s an assumption (and a false one at that). And secondly, praise feels good especially when it's sincere and specific.
At Yarno, we have a shout-out channel in Slack and we use it to give each other praise. We also start our weekly team meeting with a shout-out section.
What's interesting is that when we practice giving positive feedback with role plays, it feels good for everybody, whether you're in the scenario or not! It's as if your brain doesn't know the difference between role play and reality. Once we’ve experienced that, we’re more likely to give positive feedback because we want that good feeling to continue.
We love feedback at Yarno, we write about it a lot:
https://www.yarno.com.au/blog/simple-rule-to-change-your-feedback/
https://www.yarno.com.au/blog/start-stop-keep/
https://www.yarno.com.au/blog/minding-my-own-mental-health/
